how quitting the flat iron became a form of self-healing

the hair journey is scared and deeply personal for each person. mine took years of undoing and a loving partner.

in order to explain this journey, we should probably start from the beginning.

growing up -

i never really any issues with my hair, my curls were wild, kinky and full of love. they stood out, i wore them boldly and happily.

middle school was when i noticed they were harder to maintain, my hair didn’t shapeshift the way others did and certain styles of hair were just not working with my hair type.

high school is when it really sunk in. few people with curly hair like me, and no one near to understand how my curls should be cut or cared for when trying to maintain. now, i could decide if i wanted to wear it straight. the answer was yes. i wanted my hair to be more manageable, more universal and to not stand out so much based off my voluminous and what i thought were, no so beautiful curls.

i wore my hair straight from roughly march of 2014 to roughly august of 2023. that’s nine years. that’s absolutely so mind boggling to think that i spent nine years flattening my hair. to be clear, i did occasionally wear my hair curly, but it was not often. this is actually so sad in hindsight looking back. i am a naturally very confident person, i truly did not give one flying fuck on what someone thought out me, not until about 2021, hormones are a bitch in summary. i didn’t realize i started to care more about what people thought of me through the years. high school i was still confident, but doubt started to hit every no and then. while still fairly confident, the want to blend in and not stand out so much in the town i was in won the battle. college came and it was just convenient.

i describe it as convenient because my first semester of college, i wanted to drop out. i truly hated it and it wasn’t what i wanted to do. therefore, i decided to fast track it. my second semester, i spent countless hours in the counselors office getting approvals to do courses because i was taking so many hours in a semester. at one point, i had eleven classes. a mixture of in person, at ctc, at ctc on fort hood, online and blended courses. huge shoutout to the best counselor ever possible, without him, i wouldn’t have been able to finish my general studies.

after general studies, i pursued my bachelors’ of science in psychology. entirely online while working. the place i worked was going through a merger and i was working 12-13 hour days sometimes while staying up late and finishing essays, assignments , discussions, you name it. this lead to obvious exhaustion. explains why convenience was nice. i survived strictly on vanilla cappuccino’s, extra four shots, two to three times a day, soda and smoothies from topical smoothie. once i graduated, around new years eve, something was definitely wrong. the caffeine had definitely taken it’s toll and i had to withdraw from it. the headaches were the worst. it was around this time, my entire life was shifting. my husband and i started talking if you call it that, then started dating in may of 2019. it was then that he helped encourage me to focus on my health and embrace my curls. one of his favorite things about me, physically.

in 2019, i naturally went back to school to get my a.a.s in social work specialization. covid was started to get really bad when i was close to graduating and late 2020, i found out we were expecting. i wore my hair straight primarily until a month after my second was born in 2023. i no longer wanted convenience, i wanted to feel like me fully again. seeing the curls grow on my kiddos was a major brain chemistry switch.

as i said, my husband was very encouraging of my hair being curly, so when i brought up wearing my curls again, he was ecstatic. there was no way i could instill hair love for my children if i didn’t embrace them. i started out wearing them and it was like learning my hair all over again. i had obviously damaged my hair from the long term flat ironing. when i started wearing it, my original curl pattern had loosened quite a bit and my hair was dry, frizzy and out there. as time went on, the curls regained strength, moisture, and vibrancy back. fast forward to now, my hair was doing fantastic. my curl pattern started returning in 2024 and has only gotten better. this past new years, i decided i would straighten it because i needed to clearly see what was going on with my scalp. the dry air, our water softener needing salt and some stress had been clearly affecting my hair. i gave myself a trim and flat ironed my hair for the first time in almost three years,

the feelings of doing it were bittersweet, i hated the smell of the hair going through the straightener and to be honest, i didn’t like how it looked when i was done. now, it wasn’t because it looked bad, but because i missed my volume, i missed how the curls framed my face. how each curl had it’s own personality and i didn’t feel like myself anymore. i texted my husband and he reassured me it looked great, but reminded me that i should try to keep it curly. with straight hair, i obviously can’t wash it everyday. so. finally, i washed it after a month. i stepped out of the shower and took my hair tshirt out {yes i have designated hair tshirts}, and immediately felt at home. i felt myself and embraced them.

now, it’s still a stepping stone in my path to get my original pattern back and everyday, we get closer. my curls are tight again and they just need some extra moisture love with this weather. i plan to get braids to help act as a protective style for awhile and i am genuinely so excited to do that! i don’t think i plan on flat ironing my hair again for a very long time, if that. i truly love my curls and it’s such a blessing to instill that love to my kiddos for their hair. i hope they never ask to straighten their hair, but if they do, we’ll cross that bridge. the same thing applies, blooming in balance. everything in moderation, not abuse.

while i have been embracing my hair for only almost three years, i started to feel more comfortable in my curly hair with my husband’s reassurance that my curls were beautiful and that my volume didn’t need to fit in and i didn’t need to minimize myself to avoid standing out in a crowd. it’s been a blessing to have someone like him support my hair journey and embrace it along side with me. without his motivation & support, i don’t think i would have lasted this long. i intend to continue to embrace my wild curls and explore new hairstyles with my natural hair.

below is a selection of photos that showcases my hair through the years and its transition back to my full natural pattern.